Unable to take decisive action

case: Two Minute Therapy

In this blog post, an example is given of the kind of issues that can be discussed through TwoMinuteTherapy. In this case: what to do when there are too many choices to make and you feel unable to take decisive action. 

Psychologist and coach Jeannette Bolck created Two Minute Therapy. After an intake, clients leave a message on Whatsapp when they get stuck, after which Jeannette leaves them advice in return. Listen in on Bianca (34), who can’t make decisions for her future.

“Hey Jeannette, just a short one, I’ve got to pick Roos up from school in a minute. I really don’t know anymore. I had decided to end it with Tom and give the relationship with Hans a chance, he’s Roos’ dad and I was going to buy a house with him. And yesterday our offer got accepted. Isn’t that fantastic? But it doesn’t feel that way at all. I can only think of Tom and don’t want to lose him! I just feel so good when I’m around him, as if the world doesn’t exist. And what if they suddenly do offer me that position in Singapore? And Roos is turning 4 next year, maybe it’s better to wait with moving until then. And the mortgage is pretty high, which scares me as well. I’m doubting everything, but I can’t share my doubts with Hans. He’s really trying after our huge fight. That’s great you’d say, but I don’t really care. ‘Would you like some tea? Shall I drop you off at work? Shall I cook dinner?’ It’s driving me crazy. What’s wrong with me Jeannette? I’m going mad! Well, I’ll be waiting for your advice, cheers!”

“Hi Bianca, I can hear in your voice that you’re completely hyper again. You’ve got a lot of stuff on your mind. You sound like you have so much going on in your mind and are restless in “having to make decisions”. At the same time you seem to be choosing “not choosing”. Which might sound funny, but I mean that it seems like, when you need to make a scary decision that involve commitment and responsibility, you run away and make up all sorts of excuses. As soon as you think of ending it with Tom the commitment to Hans suddenly becomes scary. As soon as Hans actually does what you wanted him to do, you get anxious. I understand these are not just small things but perhaps it would be a good idea to look at them one by one and ask yourself what exactly you’re running away from? Trying to solve them all at once doesn’t work. One thing at a time!

For a short while, keep track of the times when you have these thoughts and how you act upon these. I’ll send you the form, the one on which you can figure out and challenge your negative thoughts. Then we’ll take a closer look on Tuesday? And judging yourself isn’t necessary right? Well, I’ll see you in two days!”

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